No, I Don’t HAVE to Have a Little Girl


Knit baby booties in gift box

Baby girls are amazing! The cute dresses, the bows, the first dance recitals—the list goes on. But, boys are amazing too. I feel so much joy shopping for a cute little bow tie or taking my toddler son to soccer practice.

The problem is not which sex has better wardrobe options. The problem is, there is too much pressure on women to have one child of each sex. When I was first announcing my pregnancy with my second son, everyone kept saying “Oh, congratulations, are you going to try again for a girl?” It was almost said in the same breath. When I was getting my blood drawn for my glucose testing, the technician asked if I was having a boy or a girl. I responded that I was having another boy, and she replied with, “Oh, that’s okay.” People act like I tried to get a girl this time, but failed.

This revelation is shocking to me. I must admit, I’m sure I have said similar things to people myself meaning no harm. But never again! As a mom of two boys, it’s hurtful when people make me feel like my family isn’t complete because I don’t have a baby girl. I am sure families that have all girls feel the same way. My girlfriend just announced she is having her fourth boy. (Wow, she’s amazing!) I’m sure she was/is feeling this pressure of having a girl, or maybe even secretly trying for one. Still, I told her a fourth boy was wonderful news and that I was thrilled for her and her family. Because I am! Having a baby is incredible, boy or girl.

People should rejoice in your pregnancy whether you have all girls, all boys or a mix, because each child is a wonderful gift and an individual in their own right. If you ask a pregnant woman whether she is ready to try again for another baby while she is still swollen, sore, sick, and waiting for the current one, chances are, she will want to smack you—and rightfully so.

I am a horrible pregnant woman. True, I am blessed that all my pregnancies have been healthy, and I am thankful to have even been able to carry my children. That being said, I am not the woman with the pregnancy glow bouncing around from prenatal yoga to lunch with friends. I’m the one that has a consistent green hue from being sick earlier in the day, with aches and pains that kept me up all night. Bad combo.

People also need to remember that some women have a very difficult time getting pregnant! Fertility treatments are used so frequently these days, and we need to be more aware that maybe the woman we are asking about having multiple kids is just thankful she GOT pregnant in the first place. Maybe she went through IVF or multiple miscarriages, and she couldn’t care less whether she is having a boy or a girl. She’s having a baby, and that’s miracle enough!

Okay, time for me to get off my soapbox. This is just a reminder to us all, myself included, not to say silly things like, “Are you going to try again?” or “But you have to have a girl/boy!” Because for me and my husband, two boys is perfection.

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Kelly migrated to San Francisco in 2009 after living in Chicago, Florida, and growing up in Texas. She is happy now to call the Bay Area her home. She is a licensed Physician Assistant and previously worked in OBGYN and Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. With the support of her husband and college sweetheart, Rob, she took a break from medicine to do something more creative! In addition to running San Francisco Moms Blog, Kelly is mommy to Mr. Gavin and Mr. Byron. She is happy to be the princess of the house! When she is not working or chasing her boys, she loves cooking, college football, and spending time and traveling with her family.


  1. Thank you for this eye-opening blog. I have been guilty of saying those things andI never gave it a thought…never again. You are so right a baby is a miracle and that’s all we need to know!


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