The Scientific Discoveries You’ve Been Waiting For!*


    Portrait of smiling female scientists

    As a busy mom constantly on the go, you might not have had a lot of time recently to brush up on the latest issues of the various scientific and medical journals. (US Weekly, yes; but the New England Journal of Medicine, not quite yet.) Fortunately, San Francisco Moms Blog is here to fill you in on some exciting findings you may have missed:

    1) A long-term study spanning half a century found that sand, dirt and play dough consumption in early childhood was directly linked to the likelihood of becoming a brain surgeon, Supreme Court justice or Nobel Prize winner.

    2) Babies whose moms watched the Real Housewives series while nursing showed a significant boost in cognitive development, according to a clinical trial conducted at Stanford—so you can stop feeling ashamed of that season pass on your DVR. **NOTE: The opposite proved true for babies whose mothers watched Vanderpump Rules. Do not watch Vanderpump Rules around your children under any circumstances.

    3) Scientists in France have now proven that not only is a moderate amount of wine safe during your pregnancy, it is in fact absolutely vital to maternal mental health during the final month.  

    4) Exhausted by the prospect of a “lovingly prepared home-cooked dinner”? A newly published report reveals that microwaving a frozen meal increases its nutritional value by 300%. A second finding, equally miraculous: When moms eat the leftovers from their children’s plates, the calories actually don’t transfer!

    5) Confirming what you’ve long suspected, a double-blind study at Johns Hopkins found that older adults experienced a drastic decline in impulse control upon becoming grandparents. In other words, Nana is going to keep giving your kids whatever they ask for, whenever they ask for it, no matter how strict she was with you growing up. She can’t help it; it’s biologically predetermined.

    6) Great news for those of us who have been sick on and off since November: a study out of Germany found that toddler germs have a long-term anti-aging effect on mothers. You’re coughing and sneezing your way to fewer wrinkles down the line!

    7) Multiple randomized control trials around the world have reached the same conclusion: Moms actually do know best.

    *By “scientific,” in this case, we mean completely fabricated. Except for #7. That is 100% true.


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