Tales from a Mom’s Google Search History




“How do I get rid of a hickey?” is something I never thought I would need to research as a 36-year-old mother of three. But there I was, googling away, thanks to the giant Mickey Mouse-shaped hickey smack in the middle of my forehead—the result of a suction toy I stuck on my face to entertain my fussy eight-month-old on a six-hour road trip. Lesson learned.

As I laughed to myself at the ridiculousness of it all, I started to wonder about the other crazy things I’ve googled since I became a mom. A quick glance at my search history revealed some entertaining, albeit embarrassing searches that do a great job of highlighting all that comes with motherhood.

Here’s a snippet of the endless list of things I’ve asked Google over the years:

Pediatric enema

How to remove gummy bear from hair

Is my kid’s leg broken?

Quick dinners for picky kids and picky husband

How early can I let my baby cry it out?

Hormone imbalance

Stretches for tight hips

Do I have mastitis?

How do I know if my child is dyslexic?

Side effects of flu shots in kids

When to bring a baby to a doctor

Costco giant spider Halloween decoration

Why are my baby’s cheeks red?

Strawberry allergy symptoms

Closest drive through Starbucks

Does my kid have pink eye?

When do babies start clapping (and crawling, walking, talking, etc.)

How much Tylenol for 14lb baby

Why won’t my son poop in the toilet?

Best undereye concealers

Is blurry vision after pumping a thing?

Behavior charts for home

Potty training regression

Can you make butter with breast milk?

What is flossing?

Does Starbucks Pink Drink boost milk supply?

Is it normal for an almost six-year-old to still have screaming tantrums?

What should I do if my kid inhaled colored hairspray?

When will my newborn stop crying?

Is tummy time overrated?

Change in body odor after pregnancy

Chinese gender predictor

Why does my baby’s diaper smell like a bottle of vitamins?

Giant unicorn stuffed animal

How long is tri-tip good for after sell by date?

Is the 5 second rule real?

Are germs really bad?

Picture of longest fingernails ever

Hand Food and Mouth symptoms

Vodka martini ice pops

What are night terrors?

Baby names NOT on the top 100 list

Can I give my kids melatonin?

How to wash spilled gasoline out of clothes?

Can I get Botox while breastfeeding?

Do hot baths burn calories?

Can I hire a firefighter to come to my son’s birthday?

Can humans get flea bites?

Hemorrhoid remedy

Chances of getting pregnant after having tubes tied

Am I losing my mind?

The list goes on and on. I do find comfort in the fact that most of these topics auto-filled as I started to type them in the search box—it’s nice to know I’m not the only one with these burning questions.

And in case you were wondering, the only way to get rid of a hickey is to wait it out…and invest in some serious concealer.



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