Why We All Need a Sex-cation


sex life after marriage and kids

If you’re like me, hearing the word “sex” often invokes various reactions including eye rolling, apathy, and an instant sensation of fatigue all wrapped up in the suffocating weight of expectation. Unless I’ve had a glass of wine or two, then I’ll either be ready to go or passed out on the couch. 

I didn’t used to be like this. I actually do LOVE sex, but with the burden of work, parenting, and a constant low level exhaustion, sex is so easily the last thing on my mind, and it seems like the stars need to be aligned for me to be in the mood. Which I hate. It makes me feel boring and old, and stuck in a rut. My husband would never say those things, but I know he’d love it if we were intimate more often. 

So you can imagine how thrilled I am that I have found a way to get in touch with my former more libidinous self—vacation sex!

I made this discovery a few years ago when my husband and I went away solo for the first time to Hawaii. It was amazing. It took me about 12 hours to truly unwind and let go of all the day to day stuff crammed in my head. Then all of a sudden I felt on fire. I wanted sex all the time. First thing in the morning, again later that afternoon, and before bed. I couldn’t get enough. There was something so freeing about having no schedule, no fear of kids interrupting, no phone calls or emails to check, and no constant to-do list running through my head. My husband and I were free to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. 

It turns out having that kind of emotional, physical, and mental freedom is the perfect recipe to turn me on. 

It also turns out it’s pretty much impossible to recreate that at home. Even if the kids are gone, it’s just NOT the same. 

Which is why my husband and I make a pact with each other that we will get away just the two of us at least once a year, preferably two or three trips if feasible. We have a few conditions to this, too. We have to get out of town, it has to be for at LEAST three nights, and we have minimal contact with the kids. 

This sounds harsh, but I promise you it’s worth it. Those three conditions are crucial for me to be in the right headspace to really bond sexually with my husband. The sex is truly amazing. We feel reconnected physically and emotionally and our sex life is reinvigorated for several weeks afterwards. We are more adventurous now than we were when we were younger, too, which makes it even more fun! Sometimes being in that headspace allows me to try new things I just wouldn’t be comfortable doing at home, and then we can add it to our repertoire once we are back. 

So if you feel like your sex life is lagging, I strongly encourage you to make time for a sex-cation with your spouse. I know it’s not easy and childcare can be hard to come by, but it has become such an important part of our romantic life that I can’t imagine our lives without it! 


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