Insanely Infertile



    It’s Infertility Awareness Week. When my dear friend Kelly asked me to write about my experience, I panicked. I’ve been struggling with what to write mainly because I suffered through infertility without talking about it (I don’t recommend it), and as you’ll notice, I’m writing this post anonymously. My husband and I held off on trying to have kids for five years. When we started trying, we figured it would be easy. Wham bam, waaaahhhh.

    That, my friends, didn’t happen. We tried. And tried. And. Tried. We spoke to my OBGYN who recommended acupuncture and relaxation. I took this seriously and started seeing an acupuncturist and doing whatever I could to relax. This recommendation, while well-intentioned, just made me feel worse. For those of you who know me, I am high strung. “Relax” isn’t in my vocab, and acupuncture wasn’t my thing. So naturally, being unable to do something simple like relax and have needles placed delicately all over my body made me feel even worse.

    After months and months of faux relaxing, I decided to see an infertility professional. One that wouldn’t tell me to do yoga or eat a truckload of acai berries (seriously that was a recommendation). After rounds and rounds of treatment (15 embryos later) we finally got our first positive home pregnancy test and couldn’t believe it.

    For those of you who haven’t gone through this, you’re probably imagining that this is the most exciting time ever. It is…kind of. No one tells you the next few weeks are AGONIZING, even if you know the embryo is genetically normal.

    I won’t bore you with the details of my entire pregnancy. It wasn’t smooth sailing after all of that….I bled and puked for months and then had a labor that was longer than most celeb marriages. There was nothing easy about the entire process, but you know what, I’m cool with that. Fast forward 2 years, and we have an amazing miracle child that gives me a run for my money every single day.

    Here are a few lessons from this very long and very painful experience…..

    1 | Life is so effing precious.  

    2 | While you might not be able to get pregnant the good old fashion way, I am here to assure you that you can do anything. You can handle infertility.

    3 | Talk about it. Do not do what I did. Do not hide this. You need friends and family to surround you and cheer you on.

    4 | Don’t talk about it. There will be times you don’t want to talk about it and that’s ok.

    5 | Get angry. Don’t feel bad about your emotions. OWN THEM. ROCK THEM. I couldn’t go to baby showers or be happy for anyone who got pregnant (anyone). For months I felt like the worst person on Earth because I hated everyone who could have a baby. Then I started owning my emotions and really feeling them. You know what? I felt so much better once I accepted my feelings.

    6 | Be aggressive. It is the hardest time to muster the courage to take control of your treatment but you have to. You are your biggest advocate.

    7 | Sleep. You’ll never do this again so start really doing it up now.

    8 | Drink. You’ll drink more when you finally become a parent so might as well start now.

    9 | Have a theme song. Mine was “Roar” by Katy Perry.  

    10| Love yourself. As women, we have many many moments of self-hatred, and when you’re lady parts won’t cooperate, it is easy to hate yourself even more. Try not to hate yourself too much. Be proud of yourself. You can do this, and if you don’t believe me see #2.

    Editor’s note: This article originally published on April 29, 2016 and was edited prior to republishing.


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