I Don’t Have a Mom Squad and I Don’t Feel Like I Need One


I was never the kind of girl who was a part of a group of friends. I don’t have a named group chat. There are no girls’ trips. Instead, I have great friends all across the country but none of them really know each other. 

It has been like this since high school, where I often had friends from different groups who weren’t friends with each other. I never really paid attention to how individualized my friendships were until towards the end of college, and when I became a mom, I thought this might change. I figured that I’d move to a new city (hi SF!), meet a bunch of moms with similar due dates, become friends, and start a group chat. 

But that hasn’t happened. 

In fact, I was struck by how separate all my mom friendships were at the twins’ second birthday party. I invited a few families that I’d become close to right around when the twins were born, and then I realized that even though we all had boy/girl twins, none of those moms had ever met each other! 

Sometimes I envy other women who have a “squad” that they can rely on. I’m jealous of the ease of sending ONE long group text with questions or updates or funny stories. I wonder if I’m missing out on epic girls’ trips with lots of wine and a hot tub and an Airbnb that sleeps ten. 

Deep down though, that’s just not me. I’m much better at intimate one to one friendships where we can really dig deep. My family has moved several times, and I have made one or two close friends in every city we’ve lived in. A handful from college. One or two from high school. 

When it comes to mom friends, I have come to value quality over quantity to an even further extreme. There’s already so much judgment in parenting, so I have intentionally sought out other moms (typically of twins) who have a similar style to me. I’m happy with these few, close friendships. 

I can live without the group chat. Just don’t be surprised if I copy and paste an update from one text chain to the other.

Maybe I’ll force all my individual friends to meet me in Wyoming for a girls’ trip. Maybe.



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