Why I Still Need My Friends Who Knew Me Before I Was a Mom


three girlfriends chatting and laughing over coffee

Last week, I was feeling low. My phone was broken and my best friend, Corinna, doesn’t have social media, so reaching out to her was impossible. But something really mysterious and wonderful happened. 

My husband returned from work with an envelope and a neatly wrapped package. Corinna had stopped by his work and asked him to pass it along to me. There was a card, a homemade chocolate bar, and a pretty new journal. Just because. 

Sure, it was a coincidence that she thought of me just when I needed her, but it got me thinking. That’s what friends do. They know when you need them, and they know what you need. And most of all, they know you. I have a handful of close girlfriends who have known me since before I became a wife and mother, and having that kind of history is both unique and cherished. 

Don’t get me wrong—I’ll be the first to nod knowingly when anyone brings up how essential mom friends are. I sometimes take my daughter to the park just to catch up with my mom friends, and I truly appreciate being able to discuss whatever current phase our kids are in, whether it’s night weaning or potty training, and I’m sure I’ll feel the same when it’s dating and slumber parties. 

Mom friends play a very important role in my social life. I have great conversations with my mom friends that don’t always revolve around our kids. But my original girl group: nothing can replace that. There is something about not having to sugar coat anything or circumvent sketchy topics.

As a mom, there’s a certain amount of pressure to present yourself as wholesome. Not that I’m some kind of evil witch or ex-con, but let’s just say I was a party girl. I don’t necessarily throw that around the playground. There are topics that just don’t come up, and that means there’s just a lot my mom friends don’t know. 

But my pre-mom friends do, and they’ve seen me at my best and my worst. They love me unconditionally and they just “get” all the pieces of me. Corinna had no way to know that I was having a hard time, but the fact is, she knew exactly the gifts that would make me smile. She just happened to give them at just the right time. 


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